White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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