Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
