so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
