I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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