When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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