My friends, they love my intelligence
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
