He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
