We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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