so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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