we have officially lost it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Houston, we have a blender
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
