My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
