We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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