Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
