Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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