There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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