There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
