So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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