Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
