I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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