I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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