go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize