Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
