all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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