I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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