I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
