awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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