We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize