So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
