she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
