I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
