Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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