T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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