After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you guys were way drunker than both of me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
