I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
