I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
