we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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