He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
