omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
