i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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