Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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