Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Where is the hickey?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
