my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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