no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
