let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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