what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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