For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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