How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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