Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
