I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
please come you make the beer taste better
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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