Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
