Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
