so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize