Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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