I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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