Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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