I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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