I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
