I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
