People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
