You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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