There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
