I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and she was petting her beer can
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
