Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
