so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This baby is an asshole
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
