So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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