Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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