You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
A+ Viking dick
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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