I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
