i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize