it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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