The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
