So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
