are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
